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CALL THE COPS – Self-titled (Review)

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61YBCMmF38L. SL160 There’s a scene in the 1990 Renny Harlin film THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE where the title character (portrayed by the great ANDREW DICE CLAY) stumbles upon a less-than-stellar recording session where Wayne Newton (as Julian Grendel) claims that “the next big thing” is being packaged. Fairlane promptly stops the session to pull the vocalist aside, asking the unfortunate singer “What is that shit?” “You’re killin’ rock-n-rape-n-roll here. I mean, Keith Richards is rolling over in is grave- the friggin’ guy isn’t even dead yet,” he explains.

I had a similar experience while listening to CALL THE COPS’ self-titled debut album (due out tomorrow on MySpace Records/Interscope), and now I have to explain…

CALL THE COPS are like a third-generation clone of the pop/emo/new wave acts that started popping up in the early 2000’s. Bands like ACTION ACTION, and REGGIE AND THE FULL EFFECT come to mind in some cases, with more popular acts like ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS, PANIC! AT THE DISCO (on their first album), and COBRA STARSHIP popping up on the high end.

The problem lies in the fact that I already have the most recent AAR album, so hearing a poppier sound-alike is like eating the same thing for dinner twice in one sitting. It’s just not as good the second time around. 

Call the Cops is a pop-album that sounds dated prior to release date. Over-polished with even a slight hint of auto-tune here and there, the performances are acceptable, listenable, and likely to pop-up in the background of a popular series on the CW at some point. The subject matter is what you’d expect: girls, girls, girls – that have “shot them down.”

With a merch selection dripping with more neon than a “Barbie and the Rockers” concert circa 1985 (fake band, real merch), CALL THE COPS will fit well from a marketing perspective on the HOT TOPIC t-shirt wall, which has itself become “less black, more neon” over the past year as more and more of these bands pop-up, play Warped Tour, and then quickly burn out while their original peers keep on truckin.

That said, I’m sure these guys will get laid a lot this year. Just like Newton said in the aforementioned FORD FAIRLANE – “You do realize that we’re gonna have to ship this wick-prick Platinum just so that the teenage girls will have a compact disc cover to get wet with.” iTunes cover art should work just the same.

Somewhere Tyson Ritter should call the cops. His groove has been stolen.

Rating: 1/5 Stars

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