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lulusmall125Unsettling and uneasy would be two words to describe LULU, the forthcoming collaborative effort between former VELVET UNDERGROUND frontman LOU REED and ”Big 4” topliners METALLICA. The ten-track set (due out November 1st via Warner Bros.) is not an easy record to make it through.

For the first time in a long time, I found myself squirming while holding back the temptation to press the ”stop” button in order to smother the sonic pain being inflicted upon my ears. LULU is not a METALLICA album, nor is it a LOU REED record. LULU is a mess that I wish had never happened.

Through repetitive riffing recorded live-to-tape while METALLICA played behind LOU REED’s spoken-word babble, most of the album is a story based around constant sexual metaphor and phrasing like ”Kotex Jukebox” and ”Spermless like a girl.” 

Indeed this project that was initially conceived to become a theatrical production in Berlin is unique, but only in the fact that it has been recorded and performed by the artists represented on the album. LULU is the type of artsy, coffeehouse noise that I’d have expected to hear being played by slightly stoned, sleep-deprived students on a college campus circa 1995.

The Bottom Line: LULU is by far one of the worst albums of 2011, and it really pains me to say that.

Rating: 1/5 Stars

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