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Dear Little Asshole,

When I arrived at preschool yesterday to pick up my daughter, Adalyn, I was very disappointed to learn that you’d made her cry. When Miss J. told me that Addie had been “sensitive” and “cried a lot” at the beginning of class, I needed a reason beyond the typical, overly-cautious bullshit that teachers seem to spew. I wanted the real dirt, and that led me to you.

addiebeautifulIt was brought to my attention that you repeatedly called my daughter “ugly,” a word that at just 3½, I don’t believe she’d actually heard before. You made sure that she knew what it meant, and you continued driving home your insult as my daughter shed tears while telling you “My Daddy says I’m beautiful.” I do say that she’s beautiful… because she is. I’ve included a photo with this letter to remind you of that.

I get that you’re only four-years-old, and that some might say that you “don’t know any better.” I also know that children are born evil, and that it’s a parents’ job to set their offspring on the right path. In that, your Mommy and Daddy are failing miserably. If, at just four-years-old, you feel that it’s ok to run around calling people “ugly” at the start of class, I feel confident at age 36 declaring that your parents are well on their way to raising quite a despicable little human being.

As a father, it is my job to teach my children. It is also my job to defend them from whatever evil… whatever enemies may cross their paths. That means that revenge may sometimes be in order. 

Based on the behavior displayed in preschool, I expect that you’ll one day grow into a fully “mature” specimen in the world of disrespectful white trash. Don’t worry about taking care of your teeth as they’re teaching you now, as you’ll inevitably lose them to your future meth addiction. On the other hand, you could choose a different path entirely, and grow up to be a fine young man. Unfortunately, the reality is that you’ll probably wind-up spending your nights sipping on a six-pack of “whatever’s on sale,” while sitting on the front lawn in a broken, aluminum lawn chair. Keep being a little prick, and that will be your fate.

My daughters are too young to understand that words cannot hurt them. It’s a lesson that, thanks to you, I’ve had to begin teaching as of today. Your choice of words made an impact on my daughter, and in turn, made an impact on me. Until her tongue becomes sharp enough to strike back properly… I’m here.

Straighten up, asshole. Addie has a posse. 

Regards,

\m/ THE ROCK FATHER \m/

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